Physical abuse and violence are completely unacceptable and should be universally condemned. Mothers must protect their homes from the many short-term and long-term consequences of physical abuse. For this post, we’ll summarize content from the experts at National Domestic Abuse Hotline (800.799.SAFE)

Safety Planning
Safety planning is an ongoing process that should be tailored to a family’s specific circumstances. If violence does occur, children should be equipped to protect themselves with age-appropriate resources to remove themselves from an abusive situation. Advocates at the National Domestic Abuse Hotline are available 24/7 to discuss ways to create a safety plan.

Children & Domestic Violence
Children who experience abusive situations are often forced to process complex emotions without support or guidance. A child’s physical and mental health are essential for their well-being, both in the short-term and in the long-term. Instill and reinforce for each child that in a moment of crisis, their first responsibility is their own safety. Convince them that their physical welfare matters most. Mom should also help them rest assured that any violence is not their fault.

Perpetrators of physical abuse often commit emotional and verbal abuse as well, resorting to tactics such as threats, harassment, and manipulation. While by no means an exhaustive list, examples include preventing or blocking children from seeing their other parent, calling, or threatening to call police or immigration enforcement with lies and/or blackmail, humiliation, or lying to kids to turn them against the other parent.

Mothers should teach that abuse is never okay, even when it comes from someone they love. Help children identify people other than their parents who they feel comfortable with in case they ever need someone to talk to; make sure they know how to contact any trusted confidants. Many domestic violence shelters offer children’s counseling—contact a Hotline advocate to identify local resources. Above all else, remind children of the unconditional love we have for them and that we will do anything we can to protect them.

Physical Safety at Home
Children should know when, how, and who to contact during an emergency. If a situation begins to escalate, there should be an established plan for where they can go. By creating a plan, ahead of time, children will know what to do during a moment of crisis. Help them identify a place that they can go to if they’re afraid, and see to it that they have something calming to focus on for comfort. Teach them that even though they may want to protect their family, they shouldn’t try to intervene in moments of violence.

Planning for Unsupervised Visits
Especially if their father has a history of physically abusive behavior, create a separate safety plan for situations in which children may spend unsupervised time with him. If they are old enough, brainstorm ways for them to stay safe. Help them identify where they can get to a phone, who they can contact, how they can leave the house, and where they can go. If possible, give them a cell phone so they are equipped to call for help in case of an emergency.

Planning for Safe Custody Exchanges
If the threat of violence persists post-breakup, we should avoid exchanging custody at either our house or our ex’s. Instead, meet in a safe, public place like a restaurant, store, police station parking lot, or other area with visibility. Bring a trusted friend or family member to exchange custody or ask a liaison to make the exchange. Find ways to schedule custody exchanges without having to endure an interaction with the ex. One idea is to arrange for our ex to pick the children up from school at the end of the day after we drop them off in the morning, or vice versa, eliminating the potential of an unsafe encounter.

Emotional Safety Planning with Children
Children who experience abuse are forced to process complex emotions, but are often ill-equipped to do so in healthy ways. If a romantic partner is at risk of becoming violent, it is best to terminate the relationship. To the extent this doesn’t happen, create an emotional safety plan with our children to help them navigate their emotions in ways which protect their short-term and long-term emotional well-being. An emotional safety plan should be age-appropriate, structured differently for younger children than for teenagers.

Children must know that physical abuse isn’t their fault and that abuse is never right, even when the person being violent is someone they love. Help them understand that we want everyone to be safe, so we need a plan in case of an emergency. Context is important, instead of saying, “We’re planning what you can do when ____ becomes violent,” use phrases like, “We’re practicing what to do in an emergency,” If possible, enroll them in a counseling program or therapy. Try to find a program that is culturally relevant and specialized in child counseling.

Summary
Moms, dads, and children deserve to live in a safe and stable home environment, far removed from the risk of violence. With exposure to ongoing physical abuse, children might view it as normal, inappropriately developing a tolerance to needless suffering. Physical abuse during childhood can lead to multi-generational repercussions if children then grow up to imitate violent attitudes and behaviors in their own lives. Mothers must protect the family by establishing a zero tolerance policy for physical abuse amongst family members.

“The Lord examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence. He will rain down blazing coals and burning sulfur on the wicked, punishing them with scorching winds. For the righteous Lord loves justice. The virtuous will see his face.” —Psalm 11:5-7 NLT