Whether it’s our boss, a good friend, or a distant relative, people sometimes ask us for time, money, or commitment to do something that we just don’t have any interest in.
Protect Our Time & Well-Being
Time is our most valuable resource. Rather than quickly responding “Yes” or “No,” when someone asks us for something, take a moment to think, “What do I truly want?” If we constantly find ourselves saying “Yes” when we don’t want to, take a step back to reflect on what WE truly want and need in OUR life.
How many times have we agreed to do things that don’t serve us or our families? If it causes pain, doesn’t meet our standards, or drains us of our precious lifeforce, it is very healthy to just say “No,” empowering us to say “Yes” to the things we truly desire.
Some people don’t take no for an answer. Always working an angle, their manipulative advances foster all kinds of creative reasons to get us to say “Yes.” It can be difficult to summon the will to stand our ground and say “No.” What is best for us? We don’t always know. If we find ourselves wavering, objectively consider what serves our best interests—and prioritize investing time doing things that TRULY matter—to US.
When A Mission Matters Most
Certain challenges are so monumental that we must dedicate everything to make it happen. When a special mission matters most, saying “No” to distractions allows us to say “Yes” to making our mission come true.
Too Much “No”
Too much “No” leads to attitudes of isolation, missing out on potentially amazing and fun educational, fulfilling, and socially exhilarating opportunities that may have been really good for us had we said “Yes.”
A Healthy Balance
The healthy equilibrium between “Yes” and “No” can only exist when we are capable of saying “No.” With this capacity, and an awareness of potentially positive, neutral, and negative implications, we are empowered to make wise choices. Saying “No” might hurt others’ feelings. It might create distance between us and our loved ones. It might leave us feeling guilty. It might limit opportunities. It might help us say “Yes” to that which matters most. When it comes to saying “No,” the right balance provides healthy clarity.
Ways to Say “No”
If we value the person asking us to do something, we can soften the blow of saying “No” by following it with something supportive or positive. “Thank you for the invite, it feels great that you are thinking of me, I just can’t make it. Let’s do something together another time.”
Teaching Children to Say “No”
With a mother-child bond of mutual trust, teaching children to say “No,” equips them to deliberately choose their path, one decision at a time.
Summary
When we say “Yes” to one thing, we say “No” to something else. Don’t say “No” to the things that are alive in your heart. Declining an invitation without feeling guilty is essential—not only for independence and autonomy—but ultimately, for happiness. Revealing assertive independence, the more we say “No” to things that don’t interest us, the easier it will be to fill our lives with activities and people that truly matter.
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” —Romans 12:2 KJV
No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders, illustrated by Cherie Zamazing (2 – 4 years)
No Means No! is a children’s picture book about an empowered little girl who has a very strong and clear voice in all issues, especially those relating to her body and personal boundaries.
The Power of a Positive No
by William Ury
William Ury brings a marvelous blend of experience, insight, integrity and warmth to his work. In this wonderful book he teaches us how to say No—with grace and effect—so that we might create an even better Yes.
Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened? Refusing someone is rarely easy and often uncomfortable. Get the “No-How” you need to take back your life.
I Can Say No by Jenny Simmons, illustrated by Kristin Zorra (5 – 8 years)
Whether it’s saying no to bullying or someone invading their personal space or simply to playing with a friend when they need some alone time, children learn that they can use their voice to stand up for what is good in the world, and good for themselves.
The Art Of Saying NO
by Damon Zahariades
Are you fed up with people taking advantage of you? Are you tired of coworkers, friends, and family members demanding your time and expecting you to give it to them? If so, The Art of Saying No is for you.
Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Boundaries is the book that’s helped over 4 million people learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of their lives.
PLEASE NOTE: As an Amazon Associate, Mothers Truly Matter earns from qualifying purchases. The information in this post should not be construed as providing specific psychiatric, psychological, or medical advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand the lives and health of themselves and their children. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist.
