Our beliefs about ourselves radiate a magnetic attraction of self-fulfilling prophecy. In The Ultimate Sales Machine, American author, Chet Holmes, wrote, “Any statement you make to yourself begins in the subconscious as a thread of an idea. Each time you make a statement, the thread gets thicker. Say it to yourself a few more times and the thread turns to string, then rope, then bands of steel that absolutely obey the reality you create.”
The Importance of Self-Confidence
Self-confident children carry a certain poise that helps them get along in life. Rather than focusing on limits and shortcomings, they see the good, displaying a subtle but powerful belief in themselves. Even when they come up short or make mistakes, self-confident children accept and embrace themselves for who they are—with a healthy sense of pride—opening doors and minimizing resistance to new opportunities.
The Limitations of Saying “Can’t“
Four-year Anna exclaims, “Mommy, I can’t do it!” A smart maternal response might sound like, “Please say that differently without using the word can’t.” Anna might then say, “Mommy, can you please help me?” Mom might say “Yes,” or even better, she might ask an open-ended question about something she knows Anna CAN do. There are hundreds of ways to convey that we want to do something that appears difficult without using the word “can’t.” When we frame things with more carefully considered word choice, we breathe possibility into even the most challenging situations.
Help Children Develop Skills
One of the most effective ways to help children develop self-confidence is teach them the life skills they’ll need to solve their own problems. As they start creating solutions—without having to ask for help—they start believing in themselves.
Offer Words of Encouragement
It can be heartbreaking when children don’t seem to feel as special as we know they are. If children are struggling with self-esteem or self-confidence, we cannot let our words fail us. While learning important life skills might be the most efficient path to self-confidence, we can still convey heartfelt authentic proof that we see our child, and more importantly, that we value them with all of our hearts. A mother’s words, tone-of-voice, and body language all have a profound impact on her children’s self-confidence.
Flattery, over-praise, and ill-timed praise all do more harm than good. Uplift children by wisely and authentically sharing the most appropriate words at the most appropriate times…
“I believe in you.”
“Watching you grow is such a privilege.”
“Wow, that’s awesome, how did you even think of that?”
“I trust your instincts.
“Your hard work is really starting to pay off.”
“I know that you can do anything you set your mind to.”
“That’s a very clever way to solve that problem!”
“I appreciate your patience.”
“Your ideas are very important.”
“I’m so proud of you—that accomplishment was not easy—and you put in the hard work.”
“You’re amazing!”
“I love seeing your creativity.”
“Thank you for all the effort you put in.”
“I admire the thought that you put into helping others.”
“You fill our home with so much fun.”
“Your positivity helps everyone you cross paths with.”
“I knew you would make a good choice.”
“You contribute such great ideas to the family.”
“What do you think?”
“I’ve never thought of it that way.”
“Your kindness shines so bright.”
“You show amazing attention to detail.”
“I’m glad you shared your opinion.”
“Your smile is the best thing I’ve seen today.”
“That was a very courageous thing you did.”
“Your thoughtfulness makes a difference.”
“I’ve noticed how hard you’re working and it’s very impressive.”
“I know you can do it.
“This isn’t something that you can’t handle.”
“Just do your best.”
Summary
Roman statesman, Cicero, wrote, “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won even before you have started.“ Self-confidence is a superpower. When we believe in ourselves, we possess a special kind of magic. By establishing a nurturing home environment and teaching children many of the skills they’ll need to solve their own problems in life, mothers help kids develop the self-confidence they’ll need to enjoy a bright future.
“We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will set our heart at ease before Him, that if our heart condemns us, that God is greater than our heart, and He knows all things. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask, we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do the things that are pleasing in His sight.”
—1 John 3:19-22 NASB
Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae, illustrated by Guy Parker-Rees (1 – 3 years)
Giraffes Can’t Dance is a touching tale of Gerald the giraffe, who wants nothing more than to dance. With crooked knees and thin legs, it’s harder for a giraffe than you would think. Gerald is finally able to dance to his own tune when he gets some encouraging words from an unlikely friend.
Remarkably You by Pat Zietlow Miller, illustrated by Patrice Barton (4 – 8 years)
Heartfelt and timeless, this book is an inspirational manifesto about all of the things that make us who we are.
The Magic of Thinking Big
by David Schwartz
Dr. Schwartz presents a carefully designed program for getting the most out of your job, your marriage and family life, and your community. He proves that you don’t need to be an intellectual or have innate talent to attain great success and satisfaction—but you do need to learn and understand the habit of thinking and behaving in ways that will get you there. This book gives you those secrets!
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Introducing six pillars—six daily practices that provide the foundation for self-esteem—and explores the central importance of self-esteem in five areas: the workplace, parenting, education, psychotherapy, and the culture at large. This book provides concrete guidelines for anyone who is responsible for developing the self-esteem of others.
Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell, illustrated by David Catrow (3-6 years)
Molly Lou Melon is short and clumsy, has buck teeth, and has a voice that sounds like a bullfrog being squeezed by a boa constrictor. Her grandmother has always told her to walk proud, smile big, and sing loud, and she takes that advice to heart. But then Molly Lou has to start in a new school. A horrible bully picks on her on the very first day, but Molly Lou Melon knows just what to do about that.
I Am Enough by Grace Byers, illustrated by Keturah A. Bobo (3 – 7 years)
“We are all here for a purpose. We are more than enough. We just need to believe it.”
The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris & Steven Hayes
Too many of us miss out on opportunities in life because we lack self-confidence. Whether it’s public speaking, taking on a leadership role, or asking someone for a date, there are situations in which we just don’t feel equipped to handle the challenges we face. Rather than trying to “get over” our fears, he says, the secret is to form a new and wiser relationship with them.
Become unstoppable, irresistible, and unafraid in every area of your life through the power of unshakable self-confidence. Become a person of action, overcome any obstacle, and scale any height. With your newfound unshakable self-confidence, you will accomplish every goal you can set for yourself.
PLEASE NOTE: As an Amazon Associate, Mothers Truly Matter earns from qualifying purchases. The information in this post should not be construed as providing specific psychiatric, psychological, or medical advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand the lives and health of themselves and their children. It is not intended to provide an alternative to professional treatment or to replace the services of a physician, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist.
